Introducing the Harley-Davidson MegaRumble™ Titanultra LX9000


“Because the road isn’t big enough… yet.”

In the year 2025, Harley-Davidson held a press conference that shook the very earth — literally. Seismic sensors registered a Category 6 Harleyquake when the prototype of their newest motorcycle, the MegaRumble™ Titanultra LX9000, rolled off the truck (a specially engineered military transport designed solely for this purpose).

Harley had heard the people loud and clear:

“I want my motorcycle to be longer than a Ford F-350 and louder than my ex-wife at a Metallica concert!”
“I want a motorcycle so wide, I have to file a flight plan before changing lanes.”
“Why stop at saddlebags when I could have saddle shipping containers?”

Harley delivered.

Key Features of the MegaRumble™ Titanultra LX9000:

  • V-Twin-Twin-Twin Engine™: Three V-Twin engines welded together and powered by diesel, gasoline, beef jerky fumes, and spite.

  • 108-Speaker Audio System: Plays classic rock, eagle screams, and the sound of American freedom at 157 decibels, whether you want it to or not.

  • Triple King Touring Saddle-Lounger™: With heated massage, cupholders, and an optional La-Z-Boy conversion kit.

  • Quadruple-wide Footboards: So wide, two friends can ride side-saddle while grilling.

  • Full Bathroom: Behind the seat. Because pit stops are for quitters.

  • Built-in BBQ Smoker: Located under the gas tank. Comes with Bluetooth meat thermometer and brisket tray.

But wait—safety first!

  • Reverse Cowbell Beeper: Warns nearby pedestrians with a “YEE-HAW” every time you back up.

  • Passenger Eject Button: For when your buddy gets too judgy about your Spotify playlist.

  • Side Mirror Rear-View Projector: Projects your beard and sunglasses onto the road behind you, for maximum intimidation.

And of course...

The Sound

The Titanultra isn’t just loud. It rewrites the definition of loud.
When test riders fired it up for the first time, local birds forgot how to fly, a nearby yoga studio collapsed inward from the bass, and three neighboring towns declared temporary martial law.

Harley claims the exhaust note is tuned to the same frequency as the bald eagle’s mating call, causing eagles to spontaneously appear wherever the bike is revved.

The Marketing Campaign

Billboards went up across America:

"More Bike Than Man."
"Sleep is for Prius owners."
"The Harley MegaRumble™: Because America isn’t ready for your final form."
"This isn’t a motorcycle. It’s a lifestyle weapon."

Closing Thoughts

Critics are torn. Some say the MegaRumble™ Titanultra LX9000 is “environmentally problematic” and “impractical for drive-thrus.” Others call it “a marvel of human excess.” But all agree:

You don’t ride the MegaRumble. You merge with it, thunder across the land like a chrome god, and exit the freeway trailing a wake of shattered car alarms and deep-fried patriotism.

Coming soon:
The Titanultra Sidecar Edition, featuring a jacuzzi and live bald eagle handler.

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