Machine Mockery

When Eliot Hue was first hired at Visionix Corp, he couldn’t believe his luck. Fresh out of art school with paint still under his fingernails, he’d somehow landed a job at a company that actually paid him to paint. “ We believe in creativity, ” said the recruiter, who wore corduroy and smelled faintly of bergamot. " We’re not like other companies. You just do you. " And so Eliot did. In those early years, his days were filled with color. He painted sweeping murals in the office atrium, dreamy concept art for internal campaigns, and even designed a line of limited-edition Visionix coffee mugs that featured haunting eyes floating in surreal landscapes. Everyone loved it. Eliot was “the creative guy.” He painted what he felt. He took risks. One time he submitted a giant canvas that was just a single red dot on white. They hung it in the boardroom and said it “challenged the primacy of context.” It was glorious. But then things… changed. First came the "Process Opti...

“Because the road isn’t big enough… yet.” In the year 2025, Harley-Davidson held a press conference that shook the very earth — literally. Seismic sensors registered a Category 6 Harleyquake when the prototype of their newest motorcycle, the MegaRumble™ Titanultra LX9000 , rolled off the truck (a specially engineered military transport designed solely for this purpose). Harley had heard the people loud and clear: “I want my motorcycle to be longer than a Ford F-350 and louder than my ex-wife at a Metallica concert!” “I want a motorcycle so wide, I have to file a flight plan before changing lanes.” “Why stop at saddlebags when I could have saddle shipping containers ?” Harley delivered. Key Features of the MegaRumble™ Titanultra LX9000 : V-Twin-Twin-Twin Engine™: Three V-Twin engines welded together and powered by diesel, gasoline, beef jerky fumes, and spite. 108-Speaker Audio System: Plays classic rock, eagle screams, and the sound of American freedom at 157 decibels, whet...

There was a time when “seeing was believing.” When a photograph, a document, a statement from a trusted institution carried the weight of truth. That time is fading — and fast. We’re entering an era where proof is slippery , facts are negotiable, and trust is under siege. It’s becoming harder not just to know what’s true, but to even agree on how we decide what truth is. This isn’t just noise. It’s a slow-motion epistemic collapse — a breakdown in the systems we use to determine reality. Information is Everywhere — and Nowhere The internet promised us access to knowledge. It delivered that, yes — but it also delivered chaos. Every day, we scroll through a firehose of headlines, soundbites, memes, videos, and AI-generated everything. In that torrent of content, facts get drowned . Worse, disinformation spreads faster and sticks deeper than the truth. People no longer need to win arguments — they only need to introduce enough doubt to make every version seem suspect. Trust Has E...

In a small town with nothing better to do, a group of bored but enthusiastic food fanatics formed a club unlike any other. They called themselves The X-TREME EATERS™ —because "Competitive Eating" was so last century . Their motto? “Why just eat… when you can defy physics while doing it?” Event 1: Inverted Nacho Consumption The crowd gasped as Hank “The Human Tarp” Henderson dangled upside-down from a bungee cord over a kiddie pool filled with queso and broken tortilla chips. He had 90 seconds to consume as much as possible—while hanging inverted like a bat with bad dietary decisions. He managed three mouthfuls before gravity reversed his progress. "WE GOT A CHUNDER!" screamed the announcer, as the crowd went wild and queso rained down like a dairy-based blizzard. Event 2: Trampoline Tacos Each contestant had to eat ten tacos while bouncing continuously on a trampoline. No hands. No pauses. Just taco-launching chaos. Janine “Crunchwrap Queen” Vargas atte...

Dr. Elmer Boxworthy was not your average chemist. He wore two lab coats at once (one for science, one for prestige), spoke in periodic table puns, and was frequently banned from food science conferences for "cooking" things like synthetic steak-flavored erasers. But one fateful evening, while rage-scrolling through social media in his cardboard-fortified laboratory, he was struck by a vision: “What if,” he whispered to his 3D-printed goldfish, “we could end world hunger… with Amazon boxes ?” And thus began Project FiberFeast™ . Phase I: Culinary Alchemy Using proprietary techniques such as: Microwave Fusion Reactivation Flavor Reassignment via Inkjet Sorcery And something called Reverse Digestive Osmosis (™ pending) Dr. Boxworthy created his first edible prototype: CinnaBox™ – A corrugated cinnamon roll made entirely of recycled Prime packages and a hint of cinnamon-scented candle wax. He proudly fed the first bite to a lab intern named Kyle. Kyle sur...

Meet Randy Mucklebee , a 53-year-old forklift operator from Des Moines, Iowa, who had one defining moment in childhood: the glorious taste of a grilled government cheese sandwich on white bread with just a hint of ketchup. From that day on, no cheese ever lived up to that glorious orange block of mystery . One Tuesday morning, Randy awoke in a cold sweat shouting, “ Cheese justice now! ” His wife Jolene rolled over and muttered, “Not again, Randy…” But it was too late. Something had awakened in him. By noon, Randy had legally changed his middle name to Cheddar , printed 5,000 bumper stickers that read "Make Cheese Government Again," and launched a movement he called "The Dairy Underground." 🧀 Phase 1: Awareness Randy started holding weekly Cheese Vigils in front of the USDA building. He stood solemnly with a giant foam cheese hat and a sign reading: “They took our blocks. We take back the fridge.” He passed out cheese-scented pamphlets that included slo...

Meet Gregory Farnsworth III — inventor, visionary, mastermind, and all-around ketchup kleptomaniac. To the untrained eye, Gregory looked like your average balding 42-year-old man with a suspicious trench coat and an aura of expired mustard. But behind those twitching eyes was a brain pulsing with one singular, obsessive idea: Free condiments = pure profit. It all began one fateful Tuesday when Gregory, broke and bitter after being rejected for a Shark Tank pitch involving edible shoelaces, unwrapped a burger at BurgerHut and noticed— eight ketchup packets. He had only used one. The rest? Untapped wealth. Gold in tomato form. Gregory pocketed them. He soon returned to that same BurgerHut every day, asking for "just a few more salt packets" with every free water cup. At night, he’d pour his haul into labeled mason jars in his basement lab, which was just a card table surrounded by empty McNugget boxes and a poorly taxidermied raccoon wearing a chef hat. Soon Gregory had ...

A story of feathers, fins, and far too many eggs. Deep within the clandestine laboratories of Eggstraordinary Genetics Inc. , a team of over-caffeinated scientists stared at a whiteboard covered in chicken scratch (literally—there was a chicken loose with a marker). Their mission: solve the Great American Egg Shortage. “People need omelets!” cried Dr. Henrietta Yolkman, slamming her fists on the table, accidentally cracking three eggs and a colleague’s confidence. They had tried everything: Robot chickens (exploded). Egg vending drones (attacked by eagles). Renting wombats (don’t ask). But now… a new plan hatched. “We’re going to cross a chicken with an ocean sunfish,” declared Dr. Beaker McFeathers, the only scientist who wore both a lab coat and water wings. Everyone gasped. Except Carl, who was busy trying to microwave a Pop-Tart with a Petri dish. Phase 1: The Mashup Begins They started with the basics. Chicken DNA? Easy. Ocean sunfish DNA? Slippery. Ve...