Elon Musk Announces DOGE’s Secret ‘SG’ Initiative, Internet Immediately Loses Its Mind


March 2025—Elon Musk, billionaire inventor, self-proclaimed meme lord, and part-time Dogecoin mascot, shocked the world today by announcing DOGE’s newest, most revolutionary project yet: SG.

Taking to Twitter (which he insists on calling "X" even though everyone still says "Twitter"), Musk simply posted:

“SG is coming. It will solve everything.”

That was it. No context. No explanation. Just those ominous five words, followed by a GIF of a Shiba Inu in a spacesuit and a rocket emoji. Within seconds, the internet descended into chaos.

The Speculation Begins

Musk’s fanboys, crypto bros, and conspiracy theorists immediately began dissecting the tweet like it was the Dead Sea Scrolls. Theories ran rampant:

  • "SG stands for Super Gains! DOGE is going to $1,000!"
  • "SG stands for Starship Gateway, he’s building a space portal!"
  • "SG means Soylent Green, man! It’s happening! They’re turning us into snacks!"

This last theory gained unexpected traction when Musk, responding to a concerned user, cryptically tweeted:

“The food problem is real. People need to be prepared.”

WHAT?! The tweet instantly sent every doomsday prepper into overdrive, with TikTok survivalists showing off their underground bunkers, and Alex Jones appearing live from a warehouse full of expired MREs, screaming, "I KNEW IT!"

The Press Conference That Solved Absolutely Nothing

In a move that only intensified the madness, Musk held a last-minute press conference at Tesla HQ, where he appeared wearing a DOGE hoodie and sipping an unbranded green beverage.

“SG is the future,” he stated confidently. “It’s sustainable. It’s decentralized. And, most importantly, it’s delicious.”

The room went silent. A journalist bravely raised a hand. “Delicious…?”

Musk smirked. “I’ve already said too much.”

Panic set in. Was Musk actually launching Soylent Green? Was this a billionaire’s final solution to climate change, overpopulation, and the declining quality of grocery store avocados?

Governments React, Conspiracies Explode

Within hours, the White House issued a vague yet deeply unsettling statement, reassuring citizens that “the government has no knowledge of any projects involving the… repurposing of citizens into food products.”

Which only made people more suspicious.

Joe Rogan dedicated an emergency four-hour podcast to SG, where he theorized that Musk had “probably created some kind of high-tech vegan human substitute grown in an AI-powered meat chamber,” while his guest, a former Navy SEAL-turned-cryptocurrency guru, nodded intensely.

Meanwhile, in Davos, Klaus Schwab reportedly cackled into a glass of sparkling water, though sources could not confirm.

Musk’s Final Revelation

As panic buying hit Costco and people started tasting their neighbors for "research," Musk finally decided to put the rumors to rest.

He once again took to Twitter:

“SG = Soggy Gummies. It’s just a new Dogecoin-backed candy line. Relax, you weirdos.”

A pause. Then another tweet:

“Also, some people WILL be eaten. But only if they want to.”

And with that, the world remained just as confused as before.

DOGE surged 500%.

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