LEGO Announces Life-Size Titanic Set, Global Supply of Band-Aids Immediately Depleted


In a move that has shocked both the toy world and the maritime engineering community, LEGO announced today that it will release a 1:1 scale model of the RMS Titanic, built entirely from standard LEGO bricks. The set will consist of over 3.2 billion pieces, weigh approximately 52,000 tons, and take up an entire harbor.

“This is not a toy,” said LEGO spokesperson Astrid Klikkensnap, clearly trembling with either excitement or fear. “This is a lifestyle decision.”

Construction Time: "Just a Few Lifetimes"

LEGO recommends the set for ages 18+, "or ages 9+ if your child is a prodigy with a forklift." The instructions come in a bound leather tome weighing 14 pounds, with optional audiobook narration by James Cameron.

The average estimated build time is 41 years, assuming 8 hours of construction per day, no breaks, and no errors. One test builder reportedly spent six months just assembling the grand staircase before realizing he had started on the wrong end of the ship and was building it upside-down.

Includes 1,500 Minifigures and an Iceberg Expansion Pack

The set will feature exact historical accuracy, including 1,500 screaming LEGO minifigures, a miniature jazz band that plays when you crank a gear, and a separately sold "Catastrophic Iceberg Expansion Pack" that lets you reenact the famous sinking — complete with detachable hull sections and a tiny orchestra that keeps playing even as the ship breaks in half.

The expansion pack also includes Leonardo DiCaprio and a floating LEGO door that only fits one minifigure, staying true to cinematic history.

Environmental Concerns Raised Immediately

Greenpeace issued a statement within 12 seconds of LEGO’s announcement, expressing concerns that “half of Denmark will now be made of plastic.” Meanwhile, LEGO has promised that every block will be made from ocean-reclaimed LEGO pieces, most of which were lost under couches in the 1990s.

Shipping and Assembly

When asked how the Titanic LEGO set will be shipped, LEGO’s logistics coordinator simply muttered, “We’re going to need a bigger boat,” then left the press conference sobbing.

The assembly will require heavy machinery, six cranes, and at least one person whose full-time job is finding the one missing piece that prevents the entire bow from attaching.

Available Exclusively at IKEA

In a surprise partnership, the Titanic LEGO set will be available only at IKEA, where it will be sold in 14,000 flat-pack boxes and labeled under the name “TITANIKK.” Each box will contain one allen wrench and a piece that looks suspiciously like a meatball.

Final Thoughts

“We just wanted to make something big,” LEGO said in a closing statement, “and we figured, why not recreate the largest peacetime maritime disaster in history... but, you know, in fun-colored bricks?”

Preorders open this fall, just in time for you to miss every holiday and birthday for the next 30 years while building the engine room out of 1x1 translucent red studs.



Online Reviewers Begin Building LEGO Titanic: Marriages, Floors, and Sanity Crumble

It’s been only a week since the LEGO Titanic (1:1 Scale Edition) hit shelves (and several people's feet), and the internet’s finest LEGO reviewers have already begun building. Not finished — begun. Early reviews are in, and they’re as chaotic as a steering committee on the actual Titanic.

YouTuber "BrickMaster420" Goes Missing in Hull Section B

BrickMaster420 kicked off his 16-part YouTube series “Sailing Into Madness: Building the Titanic One Block at a Time” with great enthusiasm. Unfortunately, by Part 3 he had not moved beyond building a single porthole and was last seen crawling into a partially completed boiler room muttering, “I just need one more 2x12 black plate…”

His studio is now being referred to as “the Bermuda Bedroom”, and LEGO has sent a wellness team with snacks and a crowbar.

MommyBuilder85 Files for Divorce Mid-Build

Family-friendly LEGO influencer MommyBuilder85 began constructing the ship in her garage “as a fun weekend project.” Her husband disagreed, especially after the garage was absorbed, followed by the kitchen, the yard, and two of their children. She now refers to her home as “Deck C.”

In a recent tearful TikTok live, she whispered, “I haven’t seen my Roomba in days. I think it’s in the propeller section.”

Amazon Reviewer Claims to Have Finished It — No One Believes Him

An anonymous Amazon user, "TitanicLad2000", left a 5-star review:

“Great kit. Built in 2 days. Very straightforward. Looks great in my apartment.”

He also uploaded a blurry photo of what is clearly just the LEGO Titanic postcard set next to a goldfish bowl. The LEGO community has launched a full investigation and a subreddit called r/FakeTitanicClaims.

New Twitch Trend: “Titanic IRL”

Thousands are now tuning into live Twitch streams of people attempting to build the set in real-time. One streamer, wearing a captain’s hat and sobbing into a LEGO anchor, screamed, “THIS IS JUST THE STARBOARD SIDE. WHY IS IT LONGER THAN MY HOUSE?”

Several viewers noted that watching the stream has replaced their therapy sessions.

Official LEGO Build Guide Cracks Spines and Spirits

At over 12,000 pages, the instruction manual is now banned in several countries due to its psychological effects. One builder claimed that upon reaching page 6,453, he “transcended time and saw into the future,” which allegedly included more Titanic builds… and an iceberg expansion set shaped like Jeff Bezos.

Popular Review Phrases So Far Include:

  • "Surprisingly buoyant."

  • "Ruined my marriage but brought me closer to my father."

  • "I stepped on a smokestack and can now see colors not visible to the human eye."

  • "10/10 would sink again."

Final Verdict:
Online reviewers agree — the LEGO Titanic set is ambitious, expensive, horrifyingly immersive, and absolutely NOT for the faint of heart or the moderately employed.

Early estimates suggest that the set will be fully completed by 2089. Just in time for the LEGO version of James Cameron to film Titanic 2: Now With Brick-By-Brick Historical Accuracy.

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