The League of Extraordinary Roaches

Deep in the underbelly of a forgotten New York subway tunnel, beneath layers of discarded pizza crusts and expired hot dog buns, a secret society convened. They were The League of Extraordinary Roaches, an elite group of cockroaches dedicated to maintaining their legendary status among humans.

Grandmaster Skitter, a roach so old he claimed to have personally witnessed the extinction of the dinosaurs, stood at the head of the table. He adjusted his monocle (stolen from a dollhouse) and cleared his throat.

"Brothers and sisters, our mythical status is under attack!" he declared. "The humans are beginning to doubt our legendary abilities!"

Gasps and antennae twitches spread through the room.

"They no longer believe we can survive a nuclear explosion!" Skitter continued. "In fact, I saw a scientist on YouTube saying a microwave is enough to destroy us! Can you believe this heresy?!"

From the shadows, Lieutenant Scurry raised a leg. "Sir, I tested this theory personally. I infiltrated a human kitchen, got inside the microwave, and—"

"And what happened?" Skitter asked.

"...I survived," Scurry admitted. "But only because the human forgot to press 'Start'."

The room fell silent.

"Unacceptable!" Skitter slammed his tiny fist on the table, making the crumbs bounce. "What about our reputation for being able to live without a head for weeks?"

A young roach, Nibbles, scuttled forward. "Well, that’s technically true, sir… but only because we breathe through our sides. Unfortunately, without a mouth, we starve to death after a week. It’s really bad PR."

Murmurs of concern swept through the group.

Skitter rubbed his temples. "And what about the one where humans think we can turn into mutants if exposed to radiation?"

This time, the floor was silent. Finally, an elderly roach with a missing leg spoke up. "Sir… the only mutation I got from crawling into a nuclear waste site was an extra craving for glowing snack food. No superpowers. No flight. Just a bad case of indigestion."

Skitter sighed. "We are losing our mythical edge! If we can’t convince humans that we are indestructible, they might start underestimating us!"

Just then, a scout roach burst into the chamber. "Sir! Sir! I bring fantastic news!"

Skitter perked up. "What is it?"

The scout grinned. "I overheard a group of humans saying they still believe we can survive in space! Apparently, they think if you launch us into the vacuum of space, we’d just… keep living!"

Skitter beamed. "Excellent! If humans want to think we can conquer the final frontier, let’s not correct them."

And so, The League of Extraordinary Roaches spread the rumor far and wide, ensuring that humans would forever believe in their legendary powers.

Somewhere, in a secret NASA laboratory, a scientist paused while considering an experiment.

"Hey… what if we send a cockroach to Mars? You know… just to see what happens?"

The League of Extraordinary Roaches had won again.



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